10 Snippets of uhm, well, my life

1)"Pandora requires 64kbps to run properly. You are currently streaming 16kbps." Curses on Kenyan internet.
2)student about another student: "T____ is like my grandma, she moans a lot." perfect description.
3)(me)"Make sure you label all these little islands." (student)"Miss Jones do we have to label all these tiny islands?" (me)"I just answered that question." (student)"Oh, I don't think I was here." (me)"I answered it about two seconds ago." (student) "Oh." dear oh dear
4)"Miss Jones, can you please get me out of detention?! Just say you need me to do some work or help me become a better Christian or something!" so creative with their excuses
5)I gave a student the task of erasing some dry erase maps....(me) "You just have to rub with a lot of elbow grease." (student) "But I thought we couldn't put cleaner on the erasers?" (me)"Elbow grease is just an expression for rubbing really hard." (student)"Oh"
6)When two of student were caught by the rest of the class walking as slow as possible back to class, they all accused them of "skiving." I had no idea what this meant, but they were sure yelling it out! I soon figured out that it meant skipping class.
7)So, I have this one student who I caught one day, putting her books and belongings in my lost and found basket. I asked her what she was doing and she said she would come and get them later. I had to inform her that she could not use my lost and found as her own personal locker. I've had to remind her practically every day since.
8)"Miss Jones, I think you're so smart that the information just slips out of your head."
9)I don't know why, but every afternoon when the students have left and I'm just working in my classroom, there's this bird that always trots into my class! Ya see, our classrooms open to the outside, not an actually enclosed hallway, and there's a huge tree right outside my door. So, this one bird just loves coming in! He's not really scared of me either! It's bit of a battle, keeping the bird out.
10)(student)"Miss Jones, I have a big problem. I think I've broken about a dozen school rules." (me)"What did you do?!" (student)"Well, ya know how stuff ferments after a long time? Well, I think I made alcohol in my locker."